Sunday, March 29, 2009;6:28 PM Y
Many times i felt if i'm belongs to the care group.Its bascially i don't know why,I just not feel that love anymore...perheps i do but only from some not all...I seriously dunno if the problem lies on me or them.I just want to tell them off to stop treating me like this.I'm tired of this.If you don't like me,can you just tell me?I swear i will not mind.But if you don't tell me,I will never know.As what i know is that i just love everyone of you.And i cares for you.I will just be myself and be myself no matter what happen.Cause i'm love by people who loved me in this way of i am.serious-ly after reading your blog always let me think that you hate me.You did not even mentiona about me and during care group you did not even talk to me.You just totally ignored me.Only when i did a mistake,you said about me.But other than that,you ignored me totally.Even though after all my struggling and everything i came back to god again,You did not welcome me,You still treated me like invisable.That is what make me think twice if god really make me in this caregroup.Why you can joke with cher,play and make fun of esther,sylvina,esther leow,ying jie,li xuan but not me?WHY?why is that so?WHY?WHY?WHY?
WHY?i seriously think you owe me an explanation on this okie.i'm fair with everyone,including you.you just seem so werid to me and only forgive new belivers/visitors/cg memembers,except me.WHY?you just totally ignored me.going out to tampines mall with you after your O levels let me feel good but after cher went home it seems like i'm shopping with a stranger.Why?
Sunday, March 22, 2009;11:43 PM Y
Haha here to Write about today's FAC.First Aid Competition.Yup not with very nice results but at least not the last 3 teams.
Well today woke up at 8.45am to prepare uniform and eat breakfast and double checkings.Went out home at 9.15am cause Matthias wanted to train my command.Met Matthias 9.30am at Tampines Mrt,well,i'm 9 mins late this time.Walked to East View Sec.I'm surprise its like so short only....Should had walked home next time..Haha joking i will not..i'm not as hardworking as him.Met TPSJAB 10.30am in EVSS canteen.Yup don't see much people supporting us.Other than trainer that train us hard...Sec 1s i will not include them as they are been force to come.Only Ma'm Ting Ting,Hwee Chin,Grace,Fong Ming.Staff Swee Ting,Vivian,Matthias.Sir Jun Yang,Sing Yuen,Zheng Yee,Wei Bin,Mr Wan,My Std 3 seniors too.Yup don't rmb anymore.Was like why so less people,I suppose Mr Wan say alot teachers will be coming down but seems like its a false hope,Its all fake.
Fall in at 12pm,imagine...so hot.Than all I/C fall out to draw lots for NC team.My Team is NC5...shuts thats my big problem always have problem rmb-ing i'm NC5 instead of NC2.Its a different team la.Than later they check first aid kit.Well first problem is that i don't even understand why we have to bring in when we did not even use a single item except the bandage.Than later fall in by teams,accending numbers.Than so suai la both side of mine is from EVSS,which means NC4,6 are from EVSS over heard many of their Conversation.They have bad bad team...hello i mean its worse than my team.Which is also that i'm praising my own team.Than unifrom inspection.Haha that judge seems not so bad..He seems rather nice.Than later steward bring us to waiting room.
Than waited for quiet long than first items was foot drill..haha have prayed b4 the competition for god's guidance in this competition.I know it was foot drill as first item.Foot drill was rather good,Not so bad haha i'm happy my command is loud to me..and over all was rather good other than the Dari kiri,Tukar Hualan kiri,Tukar.I had to say semura.was like omg its like the last drill can you do it good?please as i beg you the last time.Yup was having some mood swing recent-ly guess i know the reason my self.
Next was guessing if it is case study but end up Home Nursing..Shuts next is case study lor........Home Nursing was abit screwed.Did not did a single thing but i bet because of the general observation it somehow pull but abit higher.
Next is Case study to me was abit screw too..I Do not understand what is the Judge trying to say la.First say case cut than i said Sir my team members is still doing CPR.He reply just report than i report lor...i Said:" Sir this casualty over here is suffering from a penatrating chest wound and that caualty over there is suffering from Cardic Arrest.We will place the casualty's belonging to you is there any other question?okie than walk away le.than i wait for diane CPR than the other judge don't know say what why case need DRABC de?i suppose only CPR.Thats is what we are taught la..werid guy..nvrm next time case study we do 5 mins.haha 1 min call ambulance 4 min diagnose haha.Kind of impossible.
Haha than know results already.Than heard from seniors my team had 7th/11 teams haha was happy le la don't get last can le.But bad is that other teams from TPSJAB all got trophy except my team.can see from Mr Wan face not very happy.Was sad la but nvrm i shall treat this as experience.
Thursday, March 19, 2009;11:18 PM Y
Haha I'm surprise my team suddenly became so caring....normally i see them fighting..every day.But today is special,I see the good side of them,i see them standing up for me.
What happen today is that i almost faint during training.I purpose-ly late 30 mins tell them i over slept.haha i'm bad but i don't care alright.I need rest,i'm human.yes i should read up my notes but i'm really tired.Today almost faint during foot drill session.Haha kind of like giving up.But looking at the hope Sir Jun Yang is giving me,the confident he is trying to put into me i seriously think i should not give up.
I SHOULD NOT GIVE UP ON MY SELF IF NOT NO ONE COULD HELP ME
Wednesday, March 18, 2009;8:46 PM Y
Haha Curent-ly busy with St john training for FAC like don't know what like this.I bet i chiong for St john cannot fight with i chiong for god lor.Today have metermophise i actually can make it de but end up was thinking its not really worth it. only go for 1 hr plus must well don't go.got go and never go about same.well St john is really a big changllenge in my life currently la.First it make me from reserve to I/C.But to me through out being I/C is just a name but as long as i do my job i will be treated like team members.But realise being a I/C without team members support,you cannot be 1.You cannot lead them when they don't let /Don't allow you to lead them.They simply just ignore you when you ask them question.They Simply fight infront of you knowing that you will not encourage the team to qurall with each other,as it may lead the team to a down 1 level.Its werid you want to lead them now and u find it hard.
You talk to them and advice them not to do this it may not be a very good way to do things but they refuse to listien to you.People gossip that you are arrogant,you felt hurt,its normal...you are still a human but you cannot take it to heart.
Winning or not does not really matter to me now.It matters more if through this intensive training they got born-ed or not.I don't plan to win this year.....Maybe next year with this year std 1s?I don't know.But what i know is that i cannot let my trainer effort gone in-vain. Another 1 is to really thank people for really putting effort for everyone.People that really want to train us yet got into many problems on us. Yup this time where i really want to serve god.I hope that the lord will really bless me with my 2 more training left.i'm tired.God please refresh me.God you are graceful,you forgive me many times but i don't want you to forgive me all the time,i know you are forgiving.God i know that re-structuring results will be what you really want for me.I may not able to take it but lord i know with you i'm okie and super lady for u in everything.